I was young and thought I knew it all, thought I was making a good name for myself being a model. Cloaking beauty over me as if it was something that covered up my shame like a floor-length fur as my silhouette swayed a crossed a room.
Looking back when I was married before we play-acted at Christianity. Our rental became a stopping place for his friends and friends of friends that wanted a warm meal and place to sleep. But no one was ever challenged from drugs or living perverted. My voice was already weak from childhood abuse. But now my voice was bone dry living like a kept woman who could hardly move free within the walls of our three bedroom home, until I broke free from the halfway house lifestyle.
My long permed bedroom hair, cut-off shorts, and red ropers were my signature. As long as I stood out I wouldn’t get blindsided. I wasn’t about to let anyone ever get the better of me again. It was also at this time I was introduced to a conservative man that later became my husband.
I was more like a wild horse when we first met, a jaw-clinching girl who couldn’t be easily taken down. But something invisible most-likely God, had me fall in love with this man. He made me feel loved and understood like no one else. And he made me promise to always put Jesus first.
I read the Bible every day to the point that I heard God speak to me. I did what He challenged with great conviction, but then life and death got in the way and I sat dazed forgetting my faith. My heart no longer melted in rhythm with God but rather dangled lifeless like a fish caught on a line.
Tears stained my skin for what felt like a life span until hope seared the original part of me. The unharmed part where God fount and fastened me first-hand. There comes a time when life becomes a pendulum that swings and you know what’s about to happen before it gets to the end and begins rotating suspended in a circle backwards. I’m doing the same and returning where I started to find a whole story of my life. Including the foul parts.
When I began digging into the past it felt much like an empty hole I kept pouring myself into. When history calls us back sometimes we become torn between dealing with the soul and dealing with the issues of the past. Either one makes me want to live buried and balled up.
I’ve been reading a book The Dream of YOU written by Jo Saxton, that keeps it all together. She understands what its like to have dreams pulled out from underneath you and your voice cut-off. Jo shares her personal experiences of being a Nigerian immigrant in the U.K. living in foster care before reuniting with her family and then moving to America only to have her then dreams vanish.
When our dreams become more of a ghost town we no longer have steady ground to place our stamp on questioning “What is my purpose in this life?” In The Dream of YOU Jo steps in and mentors her reader to the end lifting us from what we’ve be struggling to climb over.
The Dream of You points the heart back to Scripture while inviting us to come and listen and be cross-transformed. God simply doesn’t take our burdens without taking us too. There’s something about when we look up to heaven and all that lingers here on the earth that draws us thankful to the conclusion of Christ. With it comes an invitation if we choose to accept it to find rest in Christ, to learn from Him and God’s transforming history-saving ways. Jo reminds us of community, how lives sharpen lives when the clear light of truth invades us. Our dreams become clearer, brighter and more familiar to us. The Dream of YOU – Let Go of Broken Identities and Live the Life You Were Made For by Jo Saxton teaches that with community were given permission to love and share our changed lives with others and in turn a wellspring that enriches our life as well.
You can get your copy here: https://www.josaxton.com/product/the-dream-of-you/
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