I still haven’t had time to go to the storage and fish out the giant bin of photo books I stored away. I’ve been reading Emily’s Wierenga’s book Atlas Girl and learning more about her heart, how we differently deal with heartbreak yet with the same passion hold tight to find God and Jesus in this world.
Since I was six I’d dream of doing big things but then the abuse and the nightmares took my dreams way, leaving me feeling alone and isolated, forgotten in this busy human race.
I grew up quiet and awkward, a real simple looking girl with a bad case of motion sickness with cars and road trips. My parents would pack us kids in the car and depending on our destination we’d go for a weekend or a couple of weeks. But it didn’t matter it always made me sick, even to the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon.
One time we drove my dads parents, and met up with an aunt and uncle, dropping every one off a half days trip away before continuing on. I sat in the backseat, right behind my dad, next to my grandma and mom, I felt worthy to be included to share the back seat with these women a chance to feel grown up, a part of their lives. Worthy.
I had no idea where we were going I didn’t even know that I wasn’t feeling well. But
I got sick all over the back of my dads head and down the back of his neck and shirt.
Oh but that’s not the only time, road trips were torture I cant imagine what my parents thought every time they had to prepare for a trip? They usually had me sit up front so I could see the road and yet I still covered the front dashboard with puke.
I crawled over the front seat to lie down in the back after the clean up and back on the road. It was later on after driving a bit when the car was getting warm from the days sun that my dad turned the air on, chunks of throw up flung from the air vents at them. Like I said, I was the awkward one.
I’m on this untamed heart journey with Emily, enjoying her book Atlas Girl. She has travelled to places I couldn’t ever go to because I’m just not that brave. The past makes me live safe even though deep inside me I want to break free and live dangerously unrestrained for Jesus.
God gets honored in our mess, in the spewing and vomit when we turn our heart to Him, giving Him Carte Blanche to do as He pleases to get our attention. That’s what God has done with Emily’s story and that’s what He’s in the process of doing with mine.
Source: New feed